Manliness and Living With a Woman

If you feel that there’s not enough freedom in your marriage, it’s a prison. It can be a good prison, though, and maybe you don’t want to break out. The alternative is to build your freedom from within the prison walls. With just a little work, you can gain as much freedom as you want or need. And you’ll find that marriage is no longer a prison. It’s home. Just think about this:

What would YOU need to feel more free?

Is it to go fishing in the spur of a moment?
Is it to plan something with the guys without checking with your woman?
Is it to have only a few minutes alone every day?
Is it to talk to a woman without worrying that your wife would freak out?

The list could go on and on. There are no end to the small things that limit our freedom, but only you know what’s important to you. Find out what it is and do something about it.

How?

I’ve learned that there is only one way to get something you want: Demand it. Don’t trust on anybody else to take care of your needs.

But demanding it is not enough. That’s what children do. Adults take responsibility for their actions. So you’ve got to make sure that what you need is not too heavy on your family.

Here is my three step plan to get what you want:

1. Clear space
If you’re knee-deep in chores, there’s no way you can run off to the woods with your hunting buds. That kind of behavior would hurt your marriage. If you need the time, make sure that all things are done or scheduled to a different time.

2. Build trust
When you change your habits, it creates insecurity. Your wife may start wondering what’s wrong with her or your relationship. To prevent this from happening, you’ve got to make sure she knows what’s going on.

3. Demand it
State very clearly what you need, why and how you will fulfill your needs. Be very specific and start with one thing. When this new freedom has become a habit for both of you, you may introduce the next item on your wish list.

Take another look at the three step list and note one thing: The order is not rigid. You may start with demanding what you want, then work your way through trust and clearing space. No problem. In fact, sometimes that’s the best way. It’s often easier to clear space when everybody knows what you intend to put there. Else they may start to fill it with their own stuff.

Good luck to you (in)mate!

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This article is part of a Ten Day Special where I will look at marriage as a prison and try to figure out how we can make prison life better. Come back tomorrow!

Photo: Tiny Cells at Alcatraz by absolutwade