You’ve heard it before; marriage is like a prison. We talk about the old ‘ball and chain’ and when we plan a stag party, it’s about a guy’s last party as a free man.

It’s a joke that’s true, like most good jokes. Because marriage IS a prison. I know, I’m married and I’ve been to prison.

Actually, I’m working in a prison. So I can’t really say how it is to be an inmate. But I do know two major similarities between being imprisoned and being married:

1. You lose authority.
No longer are you the only one who makes decisions about your life. You may be given orders that, if you chose to ignore them, are punishable offenses.

2. You lose freedom.
After marriage you can no longer go wherever you want, whenever you want to. If you try to do things all on your own, without approval, you may be punished.

I hope you are saying: “No! This is not how my marriage works!” Good for you. Most guys accept these new restrictions, as they come with a great bonus: A good woman.

But for some guys it’s impossible to accept having limitations forced upon them. They feel choked and eventually break out of their prison.

If built properly, marriage is a good prison. A place where you accept some limitations, like not planning a global trek with a bud without discussing it with your woman. Or not sleeping around. Marriage should also be a prison where you have some freedom, like popping over to a friend for a few beers without planning ahead or being ripped to shreds later.

To achieve this, you should know how much authority you’re willing to give up and how much freedom you’re willing to give away. And make damn sure that you’re woman knows the limits. You need some authority and some freedom, else you’ll either suffocate or transform into a sissy servant.

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This article is part of a Ten Day Special where I will look at marriage as a prison and try to figure out how we can make prison life better. In the next article I will show you four prison roles and how they apply to marriage. Come back tomorrow!

Photo: Freedom (or Lack of It) by Mark Maclean