Manliness and Living With a Woman

What a great day! The birds are singing and the sun is shining and I am smiling because I had Sex today. Whoohoo! Can you tell it’s been a while? Well, all the tension and frustration is forgotten now because, well, I HAD SEX TODAY!

Actually I didn’t. Not yet, anyway. And if I did, I certainly would not post it here. I never kiss and tell. But you know the feeling of having sex after a long dry spell, right? It’s good. A real boost for your manliness and your ego.

Enjoy the high while you can because dry spells are normal. According to Newsweek (via Dr. Phil) unmarried guys get laid less than once a month on average. Married men average just below 6 lays per month. Some have have a lot more and some have much less. Every fifth married man live in what experts call a sexless marriage, with ten times or less per year (Wikipedia:Sexless marriage)

My point is this: Don’t let it bring you down. It’s normal.

High sexual activity is normal too, you know. In short bursts. Like in the beginning of a relationship. When she’s all you’re thinking about and you’re both busy exploring each other. You may be doing wild things like outdoor sex, sex in every room in the house or sex in a bathroom at a dinner party. It’s very normal.

Then it cools off. It’s not that hot anymore. You lose focus. You’re distracted. That’s normal too because there are other things in your life besides sex and your girlfriend.

Like work. Work can be a major distraction and energy drain. And kids. Who can have sex while a child is crying? And all that other stuff like money trouble, chores, in-laws, neighbours, sickness, unemployment.

All these things are no problems as long as they are temporary distractions. The trouble starts when you no longer get those bursts of sexual highs. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” No sex is a relationship killer. Not just becauses you need to get off. It’s about intimacy too. Sexual arousal comes natural in an intimate relationship. The lack of sex shows that you’re no longer that intimate. It’s all work.

So, what to do? Besides the five rules for an awesome marriage, here are three crucial tips.

1. Remove distractions
Find out what your major distractions are, and apply some structure. Make your own rules for how you want things to be. Like, if it is work, you must agree on how much work anyone can bring home and how much overtime that’s acceptable. Even if it’s the same amount of work, it’s easier to handle if you both know what to expect.

2. Take time-outs
Give each other time away from it all. Let her go visit a friend in another city while you take care of kids, bills and cleaning. It’s important that she’s gone enough to let go and accept that you can handle things without her. And long enough for you to learn to handle everything alone and appreciate the things she does at home. Next it’s your turn.

3. Date her
Popcorn in front of the TV when the kids are sleeping is not a date. Get a babysitter and get some undistracted time together. Make it easy an low key. Drop the restaurant and other distracting stuff. Go for a walk instead. Find a spot to watch the sun set and talk about what made you laugh the last week. Tell her about the last time she made you drool. Ask her about her dream and hopes for the future. Then take her dancing. Never underestimate a good dance, even if it’s only some clumsy steps on the pavement.

Photo by Stephen Glauser