October 27, 2006 @ 10:15 pm
Jealousy: How to fight the green monster
Jealousy is about fear and control. That’s the same for men and women. Jealousy is the fear of losing a girlfriend or boyfriend to another person, and the monster reaction is to monitor and control the partners actions. So far we’re alike. But when you’re afraid that she will have sex with another man, she’s afraid that you will confide in another woman.
Researchers have found that men tend to be more jealous about sexual infidelity, whereas women are more disturbed by emotional infidelity, says psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz.
She has four tips on how both men and women can handle jealousy:
1. Uncover where it came from. Why don’t you trust your woman or why doesn’t she trust you? Is this fear legitimate or just a result of insecurity?
2. Examine your (or her) self confidence. A person who has high self confidence are less likely to be jealous.
3. Stop enabling. Don’t let your woman’s jealousy limit your actions. That would make both of you miserable.
4. Set fair ground rules. Be open and honest about who you meet and why, and try to come to an agreement on how much time you should spend together.
Jealousy is an emotion all of us experience at some point in our lives. This is completely normal. But we need to be able to control our green monsters, so they don’t harm our relationships.
Source: Jealousy: Is it the same for men and women? - Today: Relationships - MSNBC.com
Photo: dboy
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Posted by deea
June 6, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
I try’d to concentrate my problem but no results.Some times I’m afraid to go someware with my husbant .I want to talk with somebody to teachme how to manage and learn this afraid.
Pls help me .(sory my english is not so good)
Thank’s!
Posted by Thomas
June 7, 2007 @ 4:51 am
Hi deea. Thanks for commenting.
I personally think that the most important way to deal with jealousy is being open about what you do. If you talked to an ex boyfriend, say it immediately and be open about what you talked about. Sometimes we try to keep things secret, because we want to avoid our partner becoming jealous. But that does not work. Secrecy makes jealousy worse. It’s easy to pick up that a loved one is hiding something. Secrecy in a relationship should be about good stuff, like planning a party or buying a present.
The next thing is building trust. Don’t let your jealous husband wonder where you are. Tell him where you’re going and what you’re doing. Check in regularly to avoid suspicion and let him have opportunity to check in on you.
WARNING! This tip really restrict your life, and should only be temporary. You don’t want to live your life like this. As you build trust, your jealous husband should be able to give you freedom.
The third thing is talking about jealousy. If you consistently prove that you are trustworthy and true to him, he should be able to talk about his jealousy and what he can do to tame it. Remember, this is HIS problem. If he can’t bring himself to trust you and control his jealousy, you should seriously consider if it’s worth it.
Posted by Nikki
January 4, 2008 @ 3:42 pm
Ok……Im having an issue with my partner and his new modeling career. I am extremley jealous about it and the fact that he is doing this with one of my friends. It is ruining our relationship and I don’t know how to control it. He has his first photo shoot tomarrow and so does she. I think I am jealous because I wish I was in her shoes. How do I deal with this?!? Help me!!! Please!
Posted by Thomas
July 16, 2008 @ 6:35 pm
Hi Juliet.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Jealousy really is a monster. You need to attack it really hard with some killer questions, like: Why do the women keep calling him? Is he really having a friendship with these women or is he stringing them along with his flirtatios behavior? Is he comfortable with talking to them while you are present? Your man should be able to have female friends and still be totally committed to you. And you should be able to live with it. Trust him if you want to keep him.
Good luck