Yes, these are the definitive rules. Memorize them.

1. Under no circumstances can 2 men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss’ car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4. If you’ve known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits, unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact even remembering a mate’s birthday is strictly optional.

7. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching sport, you may ask the score of the game in progress but never ask who’s playing.

9. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

10. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

11. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

12. Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the game and an ability to drink as much as other sports watchers.

13. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that’s just mean.

14. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

15. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man whilst lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C’mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we hit the showers!

16. Thy shalt not buy a car in colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

17. The girl who replies to the question, “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me you’d know what I want!” gets an XBox 360.

18. Never talk to another man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptable nod is all the conversation you need.

Stolen from Gareth at myspace