This is almost an oldie by now, but I still laugh painfully each time I hear it. Rodney Carrington hits me right in the twins with his detailed description of wife torture. Carrington is also the guy that brought us songs like “A Letter to My Penis”, “Dancing with a Man” and “Masturbation”.

Learn more about Rodney Carrington and his great comedy country songs at these links:

Great American Country: Rodney Carrington Official Page
Sing 365: Rodney Carrington Lyrics
MSN Music: Download and play Rodney Carrington

I Got home and the door was locked,

Then i tried to ring the bell,
I found a little bitty note that she had wrote tellin me to go to hell!

I crawled in the window i got inside
She kicked me in the balls and then i cried

Called me names and said i lied!
Kicked me again and i thought i’d died,
Took my clothes set em on fire!

And hit me with her curling iron.

I tried to block it with my watch,
And then she kicked me in the crotch again.

Yeh! Todays the day my wife met my girlfriend!

Well i tried to tell her but she didnt care
“Things weren?t what they seemed!”

She had a pan on the stove full of boiling water
And my nads would soon be steamed

I tried to run, scream for help
She hit me in the nurtch with a rhymestole belt!

It was like nothing i had ever felt
I thank god i wasnt wearing a kilt

She grabbed for a bat from underneath the bed
She swung it once missed my head!

She reared back swung it again
Then she hit me in the twins again

Yeh todays the day my wife met my girlfriend
Yeh todays an awful day and my boys wont be the same
Yeh todays the day my wife met my girlfriend